April 2009
I was blessed to receive 4 awards during the Terry Awards, thank you all so very much for voting for me. Somehow I managed to be half of a very different couple. Robin and I were voted Lesbian Couple of the Year, nowhere but the Terry Awards can a straight woman and a drag queen be voted Lesbian couple of the year. Robin commented during the pageant on Saturday night that everybody knew I was a closet lesbian, no wonder I am so confused as a lesbian, my wifey has a penis. I love you Robin! It always touches my heart that you have accepted me into your world and honored me with several awards.
It means so much to me that you accept me just the way I am, no judgments. I have always tried to accept everyone and not pass judgment on people purely out of appearance or actions. I try very hard to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and see something worthy of respect. Sometimes I don’t find it but most of the time I do. Sometimes having to look deeper inside the person to find it, but most of the time it’s there. I on the otherhand don’t always get that same treatment. People look at me and see my size and immediately begin to pass judgment and make comments. I was in Wal-Mart one day and several young men were in the lane next to me and one looked at me and commented, “You do know that whales belong in the ocean and not in Wal-Mart, don’t you?”
I know what it’s like to be discriminated against purely because of the way I look and how I dress and who I am, that is why I don’t judge others, I have learned how much it hurts. To me just because someone is not as attractive as what society and the movies and TV deems the acceptable level of beauty or handsomeness, doesn’t make them any less attractive. To me, actions and attitude and heart are far more important. Inner beauty can make or break someone’s attractiveness. You can be drop dead gorgeous or handsome as Adonis and be completely ugly. What’s on the inside is what shows through and eventually taints your outward appearance.
When I walked into the bar for the Terry Awards and all weekend long I was accepted. An overweight, straight woman in a LGBT world. A place that many straight people would never even dare to enter and yet I have jumped right into and took off swimming and surprise surprise I haven’t drown. I had so many people come up and hug me and kiss me and tell me how glad they were to see me, I spent a lot of the night fighting back the tears. Not from sadness but from everybody’s overwhelming kindness. It started at Terry’s earlier that day when I arrived and walked into his house that was full of people, some of whom I knew and consider dear friends but also a couple who I met after I got there but who didn’t even hesitate to say hello and immediately begin to treat me as a friend; to the Terry Awards and my being nominated for several awards and receiving 4; to the pageant where I am accepted as a judge and respected for my opinion on what is Queen worthy.
I have lived all my life knowing that the LGBT world existed but didn’t take the time to really get to know what it’s about and who these people really are, until about 4 years ago. I have 2 gay cousins, one of whom is now passed away but the other one who introduced me to his world. It began as an invitation to join a chat service and enter a room to meet some of his friends. I began going into the room and from the begin was accepted and even admired for having the courage to go where not many straight people go. Yes, I have been asked why and I have been told I didn’t belong by a few people, but you know what, the people who want me in the room and writing for the magazine far outweigh the ones who don’t and I no longer care whether they want me there or not. I choose to accept them and their lifestyle, that is all that matters.
Some aspects of the lifestyle I still don’t understand and I’m not sure I ever will, but then again, there are the same kinds of things in the straight world that I don’t understand either. It’s not a gay or straight thing, because some of the same things are in both worlds. See, we are not that different in the end. There are people in both life choices that share a common like or practice.
Some fetishes are shared by both groups, and I have wondered about them after talking to both gays and straights about them. Some things I can’t accept but they are not based on sexual orientation, they are based on deviant behaviour. Things that would not be accepted in any lifestyle.
