December 2008
Hello Sweet Readers!
We begin a relationship, no matter what kind it is, with no thoughts of someday this person will not be here. We don’t want to think about it; maybe we think if we don’t think about it, they can’t leave. Unfortunately, that isn’t always true and sometimes it happens suddenly and without any warning.
I’m sure you have all read the story of Mikey so I will not tell it again. But that was a very sudden disappearance that I definitely was not ready for. Another such loss was when my father passed away. He had been sick for some time and I had been begging him to go to the doctor to see what was wrong. He had an appointment on Monday morning to get tests done and so he kept saying he would be fine until then. Our church was taking the children to Pittsburgh to see a show called Agapeland with puppets and singing and skits and fun stuff for kids to do and see.
Richard was just small at the time and so we had gotten tickets for him and I to go. Since my father was sick, I told him that we would stay home in case he needed us for some reason to which he chastised me, “When you promise something like that to a child you do not break your promise. You go and take him and have fun. I will be alright.” I hugged him and kissed his cheek and told him I loved him and got in the car and went to the concert. When we arrived home around midnight, there was a message on our answering machine saying that they had taken my father to the hospital for he had taken very ill. I ran to the hospital and was then faced with making a decision to let my father pass on or live the remainder of his life as a vegetable and not able to live without life sustaining assistance. I chose to let him pass on with dignity and was then informed that they would get him ready for me to come in and tell him goodbye. When they came to get me and I walked into the room where he was, he had already gone and they had cleaned him up and turned off all the machines. Talk about a shock. Since I am an only child all, the arrangements then fell to me to handle. It’s always hard to let someone go; but to make the decision when is extremely hard and one that I’m sure nobody wants to have to make.
Another kind of loss comes when you have met someone online and then suddenly they are not there anymore and you don’t know why. I used to go into a chat room because a friend of mine started it and needed more “bodies” in the room. There I met an elderly gentleman who was very sweet. He would come in the room and call me “his girl” and hold my hand and we chatted about his life and things that had happened to him. He was a young boy in Poland during WW II and told me war stories. He came to Canada as a young man and then down to the United States as an older middle aged man and settled in the hills of Kentucky. He sent me pictures of the view from his front porch and joked about living in Heaven. One time when it had snowed heavily and the roads were very bad I had said I was snowed in and he called me a damsel in distress and said, “Have no fear MyLady, I will hook the dogs up to the sled and be right there to rescue you!” We laughed and I called him my “Knight in Rusty Dogsled”. He told me that I was a wonderful woman and a very good mother and that I had a very good son because of that. I thanked him. I became accustomed to a morning email from him telling me how he was feeling and about his plans for the day, and another one in the evening before bed time telling me a story about something and the events of his day and asking me about mine. The morning after his comments about rescuing me and about me being such a good mother I received a very distressing email from him. It was only one line long, but it hurt my very soul. It simply said, “Do not ever try to contact me ever again.” That was the last response to any email I have ever received from him. But I cannot help but think of him every once in a while and wonder is he still alive and if so how he is doing. That kind of loss never has any closure.
Recently I had a loss of another kind, the loss of a friend because of a fight. I met a man who is gay but not out to anybody; not family or friends. Over several years we have become very close and he calls me his sister. We have been through a lot of things together and I never dreamed that one small incident would ruin that, but I am beginning to think that is just what has happened. Each year he has a Halloween party and we’d get together and wear costumes and dance and just have fun. Most of the partygoers drink alcohol and that is all right, I drink my Pepsi or my Mountain Dew and I’m just fine. This year Richard went with me and we went up the night before the party. We helped finish decorating and getting some food made for the party. My friend commented about how he doesn’t like the fact that people give his nephew’s 13-year old daughter cigarettes. Well, the party started and everything was going rather well until about 2 hours into it and people were a little tipsy. His 13-year old great-niece’s 14-year old boyfriend and his two brothers (ages 16 and 18) and their parents, plus another 15-year old boy were there. I saw both the 14-year old and the 16-year old going and getting beer and drinking it and nobody said anything. They were running up and down the stairs into the house from the basement where the party was going on and sneaking more beers and getting intoxicated. They were outside being loud, yet nobody seemed to notice. This upset both myself and Richard, but we kept quiet and said nothing to anyone except each other. Now, some may say that this is no big deal and if their parents don’t mind, why should I?
Well, it’s because it was my friend’s house and they were outside part of the time and one of his neighbors could have called the police to investigate. Four underage boys drinking alcohol on his property could very easily have gotten him a trip to the jail for contributing. It doesn’t matter if they allow their boys to drink beer at home; they were in someone else’s house where it was supposed to be an adult’s only party and were intoxicated and getting into mischief. There are just some things that are not meant for children and cigarettes and beer are two of them.
Teenagers will always try to get their hands on them, but it is up to responsible adults to say “No”. But, I am getting ahead of the story a little. The final thing to upset me was when my friend gave that 13-year old girl a cigarette and she stood there and smoked it. I went up and sat on the porch because for me the party was ruined and I was no longer having any fun. I wasn’t going to say anything to anyone. My son came up and sat down with me and after a little while we decided to go into the house and sit in the living room since it was pretty cold outside and neither of us had a coat. Upon entering the house we passed one of the boys with his hair sprayed red. Then after we sat down in the room, we heard them talking and laughing in the bathroom and they all came out with their hair sprayed red. One boy said, “Where did you get this?” The other one said, “I found it.” It was my red hair spray that I had bought to use with my costume. Brand new, never been used, and I only used 4 small squirts on my hair. They had taken it without asking first and used the entire can. Still, I wasn’t going to say anything. Suddenly there was a loud crash in the kitchen and everyone from downstairs came running upstairs to see what was going on. My friend was angry and threw the boys all outside. Then he saw me and asked what was wrong. Four times he asked me and three times I said I didn’t want to talk about it just then and that it could wait.
Finally, I gave in and told him about the drinking and the hair spray and the smoking and he said he would take care of it and they were all out of the house. He acted all disgusted about the girl being given cigarettes and my son couldn’t keep quiet any longer and said something to him about acting innocent when he was guilty like everyone else. My friend said that her mother was right there and if she didn’t care, what could he do about it. My son said he could have said “NO”; then went on to say that he could have gotten in big trouble for those boys being drunk at his party and how he thought it was supposed to be “adults only” after 8:00. Well, one thing led to another and words were said and it ended with my son saying he would sleep in the car and never come back and my friend telling him he could sleep out there and he hoped he froze to f***ing death.
This really hurt my feelings and I gathered my things together and said if my son wasn’t welcome I wasn’t either. So at 11:30 pm we set out to drive 100 miles home. Before I left, my friend’s boyfriend said that he would talk to him the next day after his head was clearer and they would call me. This has been three weeks ago and I haven’t heard a word from them since. I guess a 13-year-old girl and four teenage boys he barely knows are more important than our friendship. This breaks my heart.
So, you never know when someone will walk out of your life, whether by their own choice or some other reason. We aren’t given any assurance that someone will always be there. We need to let them know today just how much they mean to us and how much we care. I’m sure you can think of someone right now that you are not as close to as you used to be for whatever reason there might be and whom you miss. Make things right, TODAY! Love your friends and cherish your family and tell them both often how special they are to you.
Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza
