July 2008

Hello Sweet Readers! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and celebrated our nation’s birthday with those you hold dear! I spent mine with my son and we sat on our front porch and talked and watched our neighbor’s fireworks. That was a great time! The other day, while flipping through the channels on the television, I saw something I didn’t know existed until then. Women’s Professional Football. Yes you read that right, women’s football, pads, tackles, and all; full-contact, hard hitting, football. I was even more surprised upon further research to find out that there aren’t just a few teams, there are quite a few teams. There are even a couple of leagues; one is the WPFL (Women’s Professional Football League), the NWFA (National Women’s Football Association), and the IWFL (Independent Women’s Football League).
The league that has teams around this area is the NWFA. Teams include the Cincinnati Sizzle, the Cleveland Fusion, the Columbus Comets, the Pittsburgh Force, the Kentucky Karma, and the West Virginia Wonders that are based in Charleston. Hopefully these women get lots of support from their communities and continue to grow in popularity.
It never ceases to amaze me, the new and interesting fields that are opening up to women every day. Certain sports and jobs that were at one time considered a male only enterprise. We no longer are considered the stay at home mom or the secretaries or nurses or day care workers. We are now doctors and lawyers and senators and run for President of the United States. We get dirty, dig ditches and run power equipment. We hit hard and live full lives.
Don’t let our hard exteriors fool you though, we can still be soft and tender and loving; mothers, lovers and supporters. We just deserve to be considered equals and get paid for it! Until next week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

sweetcinnyluvsu@yahoo.com

——————————–

Hello Sweet Readers! When you talk to someone online, how do you feel about them? Do you think of the living, breathing, feeling, being on the other end of that Internet connection or are they just a series of thoughts and words on your monitor screen? Do you think how your words will effect them and how your actions determine how they feel? Sometimes I don’t think we do. Recently I have been treated like a non-being by someone that I grew to care about as a friend. The words coming across my screen were of friendship and support and thoughtfulness. E-mails were exchanged, phone calls made, IM messages responded to back and forth. Then one day this person found someone in their town that they enjoyed spending time with and suddenly I was told about it and that they definitely wanted to remain friends with me because they had grown fond of me and wanted me to be a part of their life. But, after one more IM exchange that ended very friendly and a phone call with the assurance that there would be another later, nothing more has been heard. Messages go unresponded to, e-mails unanswered, and phone calls not picked up or returned. Like I never existed.

How can someone just turn themselves off like that and not feel anything. Was I just a name on a screen and a voice on the phone but to that person not a real being? If that is the case, can someone explain to me how to do that, I haven’t been able to master that feat yet.

When I talk to someone on IM, or chat with them in a room, they are a real person to me; I chose my words carefully so that when they come across their screen my true thoughts reach them. I worry that something I type might be misunderstood and feelings hurt. I ask for a picture of them, not to determine if they are pretty or handsome but so that I can see the person I am talking to and imagine the expression on their face when they read my words.

Looks do not factor into my responses, and I always try to find something positive to compliment them with just because I know when someone says something nice and complimentary to me how it makes me feel and I want to make everyone I talk to feel that same feeling. I call people sweetie, and darling, and sugar a lot but that is how I normally talk, hope that isn’t annoying. I’m sincere in my words and my feelings and sometimes I think I put too much of my heart into things.

I grow to care about my friends I have made online and think of them often, even if I don’t do very well at telling them that, and wonder what they are doing and how they are feeling. I sincerely and genuinely care about them. Giving them a tiny piece of my heart and hoping they will give me a little one of theirs in return and not leave me standing here with that hole in my heart. Maybe that is how I can be hurt so easily by someone pretending to care and really not, because after all I am only words on their screen and how I feel truly doesn’t matter, after all it’s just about how they feel.

If you could look at my heart I bet you would see a patchwork of all different shapes and sizes and colors, each with a little name on it of someone who has touched my life, some of them healthy and thriving and colorful; others dying or even dead because that person chose to move away from me; and yet other places you will find a hole where someone took a piece of mine and didn’t return one of their own or chose to take it back but held onto mine.

We all need to be a little more careful about how we think and talk to people online, they are a feeling being and we should remember that when we are carrying on a conversation. Some people are just mean and nasty with others when they get behind that keyboards and abuse the anonymity of the Internet. They bully others and hurt feelings and don’t care because after all they don’t see the results of their actions and honestly don’t think that those words are actually someone real. If you talk to me you will get the opposite feeling on the other end of your messages, because to me, even the bully has something good about them and sometimes you can find that and end up with a friend, they just haven’t had someone respond to them with a kind word and they really deep down want that, they just have been mean for so long they have forgotten how to be kind.

Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

—————————————————

Hello Sweet Readers! This week I am adventuring into a subject that I know very little about so trust me I did a lot of research and soul searching. The area of coming out. I know there are a lot of people who have come out to everybody except their friends and family. They live a life of constant fear and apprehension, thinking at any moment their life will be forever changed if they are “outed” to the ones they hold dearest. They are afraid of their reaction to finding out, fear they won’t be accepted or loved any more by the ones who the value the most in the world. Some don’t care…but for others it frightens them; and how can they tell these people without losing them forever?

I’m sure you are all aware of the five stages of coming out. 1. Pre-coming out when you know something is different about your feelings but haven’t completely understood them. 2. Coming out when you acknowledge your feelings of homosexuality and decide to tell someone, this may or may not include your family and friends. 3. Exploration where you “check out” the homosexual world and have your first experience with exploring contact with members of your own sex. 4. First relationship kinda self-explanitory although sometimes this can be something that turns out not so positive, but a first experience in a hetrosexual relationship can be a bad one too. Secret is that if it turns out bad, don’t give up. 5. Integration this is a constant ongoing stage where you develop relationships, explore your feelings, become a part of the BGLT community, participate in the gay lifestyle.

But just as there are several stages to your coming out, those who you come out to have stages they go through, especially parents. Parents have the hardest time sometimes accepting their child is gay, I think they feel they did something wrong. There are several questions you must ask yourself before coming out to your parents. According to outproud.com they are as follows, and I quote:

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

Be Clear in Your Own Mind

  • Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Don’t raise the issue unless you’re able to respond with confidence to the question “Are you sure?” Confusion on your part will increase your parents’ confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment.
  • Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality? If you’re wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you’ll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part; it will require a reserve of positive self-image.
  • Do you have support? In the event your parents’ reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.
  • Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality? Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you’ve done some serious reading on the subject, you’ll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research.
  • What’s the emotional climate at home? If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they’re not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a job.
  • Can you be patient? Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven’t considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years.
  • What’s your motive for coming out now? Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon.
  • Do you have available resources? Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents, a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly with the issue.
  • Are you financially dependent on your parents? If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you.
  • What is your general relationship with your parents? If you’ve gotten along well and have always known their love — and shared your love for them in return — chances are they’ll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way.
  • What is their moral societal view? If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they’ve evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you.
  • Is this your decision? Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don’t be pressured into it if you’re not sure you’ll be better off by doing so — no matter what their response.

Parents go through several stages as well when being confronted with the knowledge that their child is gay. They are: 1. Shock- sometimes they expect ahead of time but are not quite sure and other times they have no idea, so the sudden confrontation with it will surprise them. Some will accept it right away and others will struggle with it. You just have to assure them that you love them and that you are the same person you were yesterday before they knew and that you will be the same person now. 2. Denial- it helps them cope with the sudden reality that their child is gay. This can also take many forms from “not my child” to “that’s nice dear” to “I don’t want to hear this” to even flat out rejection. Be patient, just like you didn’t discover you were gay overnight, they need time to accept it too. 3. Guilt- sometimes a parent will blame themselves and think they did something wrong and that caused you to be gay. You need to reassure them that it’s nothing they did or didn’t do. 4. Feelings expressed- be ready for these….they will range from anger to acceptance and all the moods inbetween. Sometimes these change as the news has time to sink in and they begin to realize you are still the same child they love, unfortunately just as often they only grow worse. 5. Making decisions- this is where they decide how they are going to deal with it, either accepting and being supportive or denying and fighting about it forever. This initial feeling can change with time, and parents who initially disown a child come to realize they are losing something wonderful and they begin to accept it. They may not completely accept the whole package but they will accept the child and love them despite not fully understanding or supporting them. 6. True acceptance- where they completely accept their child’s sexuality and wholeheartedly support them and openly acknowledge it. Some parents never reach this stage, but any progress in this direction should be praised.

Hopefully some of what I have said will be helpful to someone out there.

Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

sweetcinnyluvsu@yahoo.com


Hello Sweet Readers! This week I am adventuring into a subject that I know very little about so trust me I did a lot of research and soul searching. The area of coming out. I know there are a lot of people who have come out to everybody except their friends and family. They live a life of constant fear and apprehension, thinking at any moment their life will be forever changed if they are “outed” to the ones they hold dearest. They are afraid of their reaction to finding out, fear they won’t be accepted or loved any more by the ones who the value the most in the world. Some don’t care…but for others it frightens them; and how can they tell these people without losing them forever?

I’m sure you are all aware of the five stages of coming out. 1. Pre-coming out when you know something is different about your feelings but haven’t completely understood them. 2. Coming out when you acknowledge your feelings of homosexuality and decide to tell someone, this may or may not include your family and friends. 3. Exploration where you “check out” the homosexual world and have your first experience with exploring contact with members of your own sex. 4. First relationship kinda self-explanitory although sometimes this can be something that turns out not so positive, but a first experience in a hetrosexual relationship can be a bad one too. Secret is that if it turns out bad, don’t give up. 5. Integration this is a constant ongoing stage where you develop relationships, explore your feelings, become a part of the BGLT community, participate in the gay lifestyle.

But just as there are several stages to your coming out, those who you come out to have stages they go through, especially parents. Parents have the hardest time sometimes accepting their child is gay, I think they feel they did something wrong. There are several questions you must ask yourself before coming out to your parents. According to outproud.com they are as follows, and I quote:

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

Be Clear in Your Own Mind

  • Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Don’t raise the issue unless you’re able to respond with confidence to the question “Are you sure?” Confusion on your part will increase your parents’ confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment.
  • Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality? If you’re wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you’ll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part; it will require a reserve of positive self-image.
  • Do you have support? In the event your parents’ reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.
  • Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality? Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you’ve done some serious reading on the subject, you’ll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research.
  • What’s the emotional climate at home? If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they’re not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a job.
  • Can you be patient? Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven’t considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years.
  • What’s your motive for coming out now? Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon.
  • Do you have available resources? Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents, a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly with the issue.
  • Are you financially dependent on your parents? If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you.
  • What is your general relationship with your parents? If you’ve gotten along well and have always known their love — and shared your love for them in return — chances are they’ll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way.
  • What is their moral societal view? If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they’ve evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you.
  • Is this your decision? Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don’t be pressured into it if you’re not sure you’ll be better off by doing so — no matter what their response.

Parents go through several stages as well when being confronted with the knowledge that their child is gay. They are: 1. Shock- sometimes they expect ahead of time but are not quite sure and other times they have no idea, so the sudden confrontation with it will surprise them. Some will accept it right away and others will struggle with it. You just have to assure them that you love them and that you are the same person you were yesterday before they knew and that you will be the same person now. 2. Denial- it helps them cope with the sudden reality that their child is gay. This can also take many forms from “not my child” to “that’s nice dear” to “I don’t want to hear this” to even flat out rejection. Be patient, just like you didn’t discover you were gay overnight, they need time to accept it too. 3. Guilt- sometimes a parent will blame themselves and think they did something wrong and that caused you to be gay. You need to reassure them that it’s nothing they did or didn’t do. 4. Feelings expressed- be ready for these….they will range from anger to acceptance and all the moods inbetween. Sometimes these change as the news has time to sink in and they begin to realize you are still the same child they love, unfortunately just as often they only grow worse. 5. Making decisions- this is where they decide how they are going to deal with it, either accepting and being supportive or denying and fighting about it forever. This initial feeling can change with time, and parents who initially disown a child come to realize they are losing something wonderful and they begin to accept it. They may not completely accept the whole package but they will accept the child and love them despite not fully understanding or supporting them. 6. True acceptance- where they completely accept their child’s sexuality and wholeheartedly support them and openly acknowledge it. Some parents never reach this stage, but any progress in this direction should be praised.

Hopefully some of what I have said will be helpful to someone out there.

Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

sweetcinnyluvsu@yahoo.com


sweetcinnyluvsu@yahoo.com

——————————–

Hello Sweet Readers! When you talk to someone online, how do you feel about them? Do you think of the living, breathing, feeling, being on the other end of that Internet connection or are they just a series of thoughts and words on your monitor screen? Do you think how your words will effect them and how your actions determine how they feel? Sometimes I don’t think we do. Recently I have been treated like a non-being by someone that I grew to care about as a friend. The words coming across my screen were of friendship and support and thoughtfulness. E-mails were exchanged, phone calls made, IM messages responded to back and forth. Then one day this person found someone in their town that they enjoyed spending time with and suddenly I was told about it and that they definitely wanted to remain friends with me because they had grown fond of me and wanted me to be a part of their life. But, after one more IM exchange that ended very friendly and a phone call with the assurance that there would be another later, nothing more has been heard. Messages go unresponded to, e-mails unanswered, and phone calls not picked up or returned. Like I never existed.

How can someone just turn themselves off like that and not feel anything. Was I just a name on a screen and a voice on the phone but to that person not a real being? If that is the case, can someone explain to me how to do that, I haven’t been able to master that feat yet.

When I talk to someone on IM, or chat with them in a room, they are a real person to me; I chose my words carefully so that when they come across their screen my true thoughts reach them. I worry that something I type might be misunderstood and feelings hurt. I ask for a picture of them, not to determine if they are pretty or handsome but so that I can see the person I am talking to and imagine the expression on their face when they read my words.

Looks do not factor into my responses, and I always try to find something positive to compliment them with just because I know when someone says something nice and complimentary to me how it makes me feel and I want to make everyone I talk to feel that same feeling. I call people sweetie, and darling, and sugar a lot but that is how I normally talk, hope that isn’t annoying. I’m sincere in my words and my feelings and sometimes I think I put too much of my heart into things.

I grow to care about my friends I have made online and think of them often, even if I don’t do very well at telling them that, and wonder what they are doing and how they are feeling. I sincerely and genuinely care about them. Giving them a tiny piece of my heart and hoping they will give me a little one of theirs in return and not leave me standing here with that hole in my heart. Maybe that is how I can be hurt so easily by someone pretending to care and really not, because after all I am only words on their screen and how I feel truly doesn’t matter, after all it’s just about how they feel.

If you could look at my heart I bet you would see a patchwork of all different shapes and sizes and colors, each with a little name on it of someone who has touched my life, some of them healthy and thriving and colorful; others dying or even dead because that person chose to move away from me; and yet other places you will find a hole where someone took a piece of mine and didn’t return one of their own or chose to take it back but held onto mine.

We all need to be a little more careful about how we think and talk to people online, they are a feeling being and we should remember that when we are carrying on a conversation. Some people are just mean and nasty with others when they get behind that keyboards and abuse the anonymity of the Internet. They bully others and hurt feelings and don’t care because after all they don’t see the results of their actions and honestly don’t think that those words are actually someone real. If you talk to me you will get the opposite feeling on the other end of your messages, because to me, even the bully has something good about them and sometimes you can find that and end up with a friend, they just haven’t had someone respond to them with a kind word and they really deep down want that, they just have been mean for so long they have forgotten how to be kind.

Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

—————————————————

Hello Sweet Readers! This week I am adventuring into a subject that I know very little about so trust me I did a lot of research and soul searching. The area of coming out. I know there are a lot of people who have come out to everybody except their friends and family. They live a life of constant fear and apprehension, thinking at any moment their life will be forever changed if they are “outed” to the ones they hold dearest. They are afraid of their reaction to finding out, fear they won’t be accepted or loved any more by the ones who the value the most in the world. Some don’t care…but for others it frightens them; and how can they tell these people without losing them forever?

I’m sure you are all aware of the five stages of coming out. 1. Pre-coming out when you know something is different about your feelings but haven’t completely understood them. 2. Coming out when you acknowledge your feelings of homosexuality and decide to tell someone, this may or may not include your family and friends. 3. Exploration where you “check out” the homosexual world and have your first experience with exploring contact with members of your own sex. 4. First relationship kinda self-explanitory although sometimes this can be something that turns out not so positive, but a first experience in a hetrosexual relationship can be a bad one too. Secret is that if it turns out bad, don’t give up. 5. Integration this is a constant ongoing stage where you develop relationships, explore your feelings, become a part of the BGLT community, participate in the gay lifestyle.

But just as there are several stages to your coming out, those who you come out to have stages they go through, especially parents. Parents have the hardest time sometimes accepting their child is gay, I think they feel they did something wrong. There are several questions you must ask yourself before coming out to your parents. According to outproud.com they are as follows, and I quote:

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

Be Clear in Your Own Mind

  • Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Don’t raise the issue unless you’re able to respond with confidence to the question “Are you sure?” Confusion on your part will increase your parents’ confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment.
  • Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality? If you’re wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you’ll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part; it will require a reserve of positive self-image.
  • Do you have support? In the event your parents’ reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.
  • Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality? Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you’ve done some serious reading on the subject, you’ll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research.
  • What’s the emotional climate at home? If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they’re not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a job.
  • Can you be patient? Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven’t considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years.
  • What’s your motive for coming out now? Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon.
  • Do you have available resources? Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents, a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly with the issue.
  • Are you financially dependent on your parents? If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you.
  • What is your general relationship with your parents? If you’ve gotten along well and have always known their love — and shared your love for them in return — chances are they’ll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way.
  • What is their moral societal view? If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they’ve evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you.
  • Is this your decision? Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don’t be pressured into it if you’re not sure you’ll be better off by doing so — no matter what their response.

Parents go through several stages as well when being confronted with the knowledge that their child is gay. They are: 1. Shock- sometimes they expect ahead of time but are not quite sure and other times they have no idea, so the sudden confrontation with it will surprise them. Some will accept it right away and others will struggle with it. You just have to assure them that you love them and that you are the same person you were yesterday before they knew and that you will be the same person now. 2. Denial- it helps them cope with the sudden reality that their child is gay. This can also take many forms from “not my child” to “that’s nice dear” to “I don’t want to hear this” to even flat out rejection. Be patient, just like you didn’t discover you were gay overnight, they need time to accept it too. 3. Guilt- sometimes a parent will blame themselves and think they did something wrong and that caused you to be gay. You need to reassure them that it’s nothing they did or didn’t do. 4. Feelings expressed- be ready for these….they will range from anger to acceptance and all the moods inbetween. Sometimes these change as the news has time to sink in and they begin to realize you are still the same child they love, unfortunately just as often they only grow worse. 5. Making decisions- this is where they decide how they are going to deal with it, either accepting and being supportive or denying and fighting about it forever. This initial feeling can change with time, and parents who initially disown a child come to realize they are losing something wonderful and they begin to accept it. They may not completely accept the whole package but they will accept the child and love them despite not fully understanding or supporting them. 6. True acceptance- where they completely accept their child’s sexuality and wholeheartedly support them and openly acknowledge it. Some parents never reach this stage, but any progress in this direction should be praised.

Hopefully some of what I have said will be helpful to someone out there.

Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

sweetcinnyluvsu@yahoo.com


Hello Sweet Readers! This week I am adventuring into a subject that I know very little about so trust me I did a lot of research and soul searching. The area of coming out. I know there are a lot of people who have come out to everybody except their friends and family. They live a life of constant fear and apprehension, thinking at any moment their life will be forever changed if they are “outed” to the ones they hold dearest. They are afraid of their reaction to finding out, fear they won’t be accepted or loved any more by the ones who the value the most in the world. Some don’t care…but for others it frightens them; and how can they tell these people without losing them forever?

I’m sure you are all aware of the five stages of coming out. 1. Pre-coming out when you know something is different about your feelings but haven’t completely understood them. 2. Coming out when you acknowledge your feelings of homosexuality and decide to tell someone, this may or may not include your family and friends. 3. Exploration where you “check out” the homosexual world and have your first experience with exploring contact with members of your own sex. 4. First relationship kinda self-explanitory although sometimes this can be something that turns out not so positive, but a first experience in a hetrosexual relationship can be a bad one too. Secret is that if it turns out bad, don’t give up. 5. Integration this is a constant ongoing stage where you develop relationships, explore your feelings, become a part of the BGLT community, participate in the gay lifestyle.

But just as there are several stages to your coming out, those who you come out to have stages they go through, especially parents. Parents have the hardest time sometimes accepting their child is gay, I think they feel they did something wrong. There are several questions you must ask yourself before coming out to your parents. According to outproud.com they are as follows, and I quote:

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

Be Clear in Your Own Mind

  • Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Don’t raise the issue unless you’re able to respond with confidence to the question “Are you sure?” Confusion on your part will increase your parents’ confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment.
  • Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality? If you’re wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you’ll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part; it will require a reserve of positive self-image.
  • Do you have support? In the event your parents’ reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.
  • Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality? Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you’ve done some serious reading on the subject, you’ll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research.
  • What’s the emotional climate at home? If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they’re not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a job.
  • Can you be patient? Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven’t considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years.
  • What’s your motive for coming out now? Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon.
  • Do you have available resources? Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents, a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly with the issue.
  • Are you financially dependent on your parents? If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you.
  • What is your general relationship with your parents? If you’ve gotten along well and have always known their love — and shared your love for them in return — chances are they’ll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way.
  • What is their moral societal view? If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they’ve evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you.
  • Is this your decision? Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don’t be pressured into it if you’re not sure you’ll be better off by doing so — no matter what their response.

Parents go through several stages as well when being confronted with the knowledge that their child is gay. They are: 1. Shock- sometimes they expect ahead of time but are not quite sure and other times they have no idea, so the sudden confrontation with it will surprise them. Some will accept it right away and others will struggle with it. You just have to assure them that you love them and that you are the same person you were yesterday before they knew and that you will be the same person now. 2. Denial- it helps them cope with the sudden reality that their child is gay. This can also take many forms from “not my child” to “that’s nice dear” to “I don’t want to hear this” to even flat out rejection. Be patient, just like you didn’t discover you were gay overnight, they need time to accept it too. 3. Guilt- sometimes a parent will blame themselves and think they did something wrong and that caused you to be gay. You need to reassure them that it’s nothing they did or didn’t do. 4. Feelings expressed- be ready for these….they will range from anger to acceptance and all the moods inbetween. Sometimes these change as the news has time to sink in and they begin to realize you are still the same child they love, unfortunately just as often they only grow worse. 5. Making decisions- this is where they decide how they are going to deal with it, either accepting and being supportive or denying and fighting about it forever. This initial feeling can change with time, and parents who initially disown a child come to realize they are losing something wonderful and they begin to accept it. They may not completely accept the whole package but they will accept the child and love them despite not fully understanding or supporting them. 6. True acceptance- where they completely accept their child’s sexuality and wholeheartedly support them and openly acknowledge it. Some parents never reach this stage, but any progress in this direction should be praised.

Hopefully some of what I have said will be helpful to someone out there.

Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

sweetcinnyluvsu@yahoo.com


Until next week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

sweetcinnyluvsu@yahoo.com

——————————–

Hello Sweet Readers! When you talk to someone online, how do you feel about them? Do you think of the living, breathing, feeling, being on the other end of that Internet connection or are they just a series of thoughts and words on your monitor screen? Do you think how your words will effect them and how your actions determine how they feel? Sometimes I don’t think we do. Recently I have been treated like a non-being by someone that I grew to care about as a friend. The words coming across my screen were of friendship and support and thoughtfulness. E-mails were exchanged, phone calls made, IM messages responded to back and forth. Then one day this person found someone in their town that they enjoyed spending time with and suddenly I was told about it and that they definitely wanted to remain friends with me because they had grown fond of me and wanted me to be a part of their life. But, after one more IM exchange that ended very friendly and a phone call with the assurance that there would be another later, nothing more has been heard. Messages go unresponded to, e-mails unanswered, and phone calls not picked up or returned. Like I never existed.

How can someone just turn themselves off like that and not feel anything. Was I just a name on a screen and a voice on the phone but to that person not a real being? If that is the case, can someone explain to me how to do that, I haven’t been able to master that feat yet.

When I talk to someone on IM, or chat with them in a room, they are a real person to me; I chose my words carefully so that when they come across their screen my true thoughts reach them. I worry that something I type might be misunderstood and feelings hurt. I ask for a picture of them, not to determine if they are pretty or handsome but so that I can see the person I am talking to and imagine the expression on their face when they read my words.

Looks do not factor into my responses, and I always try to find something positive to compliment them with just because I know when someone says something nice and complimentary to me how it makes me feel and I want to make everyone I talk to feel that same feeling. I call people sweetie, and darling, and sugar a lot but that is how I normally talk, hope that isn’t annoying. I’m sincere in my words and my feelings and sometimes I think I put too much of my heart into things.

I grow to care about my friends I have made online and think of them often, even if I don’t do very well at telling them that, and wonder what they are doing and how they are feeling. I sincerely and genuinely care about them. Giving them a tiny piece of my heart and hoping they will give me a little one of theirs in return and not leave me standing here with that hole in my heart. Maybe that is how I can be hurt so easily by someone pretending to care and really not, because after all I am only words on their screen and how I feel truly doesn’t matter, after all it’s just about how they feel.

If you could look at my heart I bet you would see a patchwork of all different shapes and sizes and colors, each with a little name on it of someone who has touched my life, some of them healthy and thriving and colorful; others dying or even dead because that person chose to move away from me; and yet other places you will find a hole where someone took a piece of mine and didn’t return one of their own or chose to take it back but held onto mine.

We all need to be a little more careful about how we think and talk to people online, they are a feeling being and we should remember that when we are carrying on a conversation. Some people are just mean and nasty with others when they get behind that keyboards and abuse the anonymity of the Internet. They bully others and hurt feelings and don’t care because after all they don’t see the results of their actions and honestly don’t think that those words are actually someone real. If you talk to me you will get the opposite feeling on the other end of your messages, because to me, even the bully has something good about them and sometimes you can find that and end up with a friend, they just haven’t had someone respond to them with a kind word and they really deep down want that, they just have been mean for so long they have forgotten how to be kind.

Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

—————————————————

Hello Sweet Readers! This week I am adventuring into a subject that I know very little about so trust me I did a lot of research and soul searching. The area of coming out. I know there are a lot of people who have come out to everybody except their friends and family. They live a life of constant fear and apprehension, thinking at any moment their life will be forever changed if they are “outed” to the ones they hold dearest. They are afraid of their reaction to finding out, fear they won’t be accepted or loved any more by the ones who the value the most in the world. Some don’t care…but for others it frightens them; and how can they tell these people without losing them forever?

I’m sure you are all aware of the five stages of coming out. 1. Pre-coming out when you know something is different about your feelings but haven’t completely understood them. 2. Coming out when you acknowledge your feelings of homosexuality and decide to tell someone, this may or may not include your family and friends. 3. Exploration where you “check out” the homosexual world and have your first experience with exploring contact with members of your own sex. 4. First relationship kinda self-explanitory although sometimes this can be something that turns out not so positive, but a first experience in a hetrosexual relationship can be a bad one too. Secret is that if it turns out bad, don’t give up. 5. Integration this is a constant ongoing stage where you develop relationships, explore your feelings, become a part of the BGLT community, participate in the gay lifestyle.

But just as there are several stages to your coming out, those who you come out to have stages they go through, especially parents. Parents have the hardest time sometimes accepting their child is gay, I think they feel they did something wrong. There are several questions you must ask yourself before coming out to your parents. According to outproud.com they are as follows, and I quote:

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

Be Clear in Your Own Mind

  • Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Don’t raise the issue unless you’re able to respond with confidence to the question “Are you sure?” Confusion on your part will increase your parents’ confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment.
  • Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality? If you’re wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you’ll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part; it will require a reserve of positive self-image.
  • Do you have support? In the event your parents’ reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.
  • Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality? Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you’ve done some serious reading on the subject, you’ll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research.
  • What’s the emotional climate at home? If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they’re not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a job.
  • Can you be patient? Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven’t considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years.
  • What’s your motive for coming out now? Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon.
  • Do you have available resources? Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents, a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly with the issue.
  • Are you financially dependent on your parents? If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you.
  • What is your general relationship with your parents? If you’ve gotten along well and have always known their love — and shared your love for them in return — chances are they’ll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way.
  • What is their moral societal view? If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they’ve evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you.
  • Is this your decision? Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don’t be pressured into it if you’re not sure you’ll be better off by doing so — no matter what their response.

Parents go through several stages as well when being confronted with the knowledge that their child is gay. They are: 1. Shock- sometimes they expect ahead of time but are not quite sure and other times they have no idea, so the sudden confrontation with it will surprise them. Some will accept it right away and others will struggle with it. You just have to assure them that you love them and that you are the same person you were yesterday before they knew and that you will be the same person now. 2. Denial- it helps them cope with the sudden reality that their child is gay. This can also take many forms from “not my child” to “that’s nice dear” to “I don’t want to hear this” to even flat out rejection. Be patient, just like you didn’t discover you were gay overnight, they need time to accept it too. 3. Guilt- sometimes a parent will blame themselves and think they did something wrong and that caused you to be gay. You need to reassure them that it’s nothing they did or didn’t do. 4. Feelings expressed- be ready for these….they will range from anger to acceptance and all the moods inbetween. Sometimes these change as the news has time to sink in and they begin to realize you are still the same child they love, unfortunately just as often they only grow worse. 5. Making decisions- this is where they decide how they are going to deal with it, either accepting and being supportive or denying and fighting about it forever. This initial feeling can change with time, and parents who initially disown a child come to realize they are losing something wonderful and they begin to accept it. They may not completely accept the whole package but they will accept the child and love them despite not fully understanding or supporting them. 6. True acceptance- where they completely accept their child’s sexuality and wholeheartedly support them and openly acknowledge it. Some parents never reach this stage, but any progress in this direction should be praised.

Hopefully some of what I have said will be helpful to someone out there.

Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

sweetcinnyluvsu@yahoo.com


Hello Sweet Readers! This week I am adventuring into a subject that I know very little about so trust me I did a lot of research and soul searching. The area of coming out. I know there are a lot of people who have come out to everybody except their friends and family. They live a life of constant fear and apprehension, thinking at any moment their life will be forever changed if they are “outed” to the ones they hold dearest. They are afraid of their reaction to finding out, fear they won’t be accepted or loved any more by the ones who the value the most in the world. Some don’t care…but for others it frightens them; and how can they tell these people without losing them forever?

I’m sure you are all aware of the five stages of coming out. 1. Pre-coming out when you know something is different about your feelings but haven’t completely understood them. 2. Coming out when you acknowledge your feelings of homosexuality and decide to tell someone, this may or may not include your family and friends. 3. Exploration where you “check out” the homosexual world and have your first experience with exploring contact with members of your own sex. 4. First relationship kinda self-explanitory although sometimes this can be something that turns out not so positive, but a first experience in a hetrosexual relationship can be a bad one too. Secret is that if it turns out bad, don’t give up. 5. Integration this is a constant ongoing stage where you develop relationships, explore your feelings, become a part of the BGLT community, participate in the gay lifestyle.

But just as there are several stages to your coming out, those who you come out to have stages they go through, especially parents. Parents have the hardest time sometimes accepting their child is gay, I think they feel they did something wrong. There are several questions you must ask yourself before coming out to your parents. According to outproud.com they are as follows, and I quote:

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

Be Clear in Your Own Mind

  • Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Don’t raise the issue unless you’re able to respond with confidence to the question “Are you sure?” Confusion on your part will increase your parents’ confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment.
  • Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality? If you’re wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you’ll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part; it will require a reserve of positive self-image.
  • Do you have support? In the event your parents’ reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.
  • Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality? Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you’ve done some serious reading on the subject, you’ll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research.
  • What’s the emotional climate at home? If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they’re not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a job.
  • Can you be patient? Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven’t considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years.
  • What’s your motive for coming out now? Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon.
  • Do you have available resources? Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents, a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly with the issue.
  • Are you financially dependent on your parents? If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you.
  • What is your general relationship with your parents? If you’ve gotten along well and have always known their love — and shared your love for them in return — chances are they’ll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way.
  • What is their moral societal view? If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they’ve evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you.
  • Is this your decision? Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don’t be pressured into it if you’re not sure you’ll be better off by doing so — no matter what their response.

Parents go through several stages as well when being confronted with the knowledge that their child is gay. They are: 1. Shock- sometimes they expect ahead of time but are not quite sure and other times they have no idea, so the sudden confrontation with it will surprise them. Some will accept it right away and others will struggle with it. You just have to assure them that you love them and that you are the same person you were yesterday before they knew and that you will be the same person now. 2. Denial- it helps them cope with the sudden reality that their child is gay. This can also take many forms from “not my child” to “that’s nice dear” to “I don’t want to hear this” to even flat out rejection. Be patient, just like you didn’t discover you were gay overnight, they need time to accept it too. 3. Guilt- sometimes a parent will blame themselves and think they did something wrong and that caused you to be gay. You need to reassure them that it’s nothing they did or didn’t do. 4. Feelings expressed- be ready for these….they will range from anger to acceptance and all the moods inbetween. Sometimes these change as the news has time to sink in and they begin to realize you are still the same child they love, unfortunately just as often they only grow worse. 5. Making decisions- this is where they decide how they are going to deal with it, either accepting and being supportive or denying and fighting about it forever. This initial feeling can change with time, and parents who initially disown a child come to realize they are losing something wonderful and they begin to accept it. They may not completely accept the whole package but they will accept the child and love them despite not fully understanding or supporting them. 6. True acceptance- where they completely accept their child’s sexuality and wholeheartedly support them and openly acknowledge it. Some parents never reach this stage, but any progress in this direction should be praised.

Hopefully some of what I have said will be helpful to someone out there.

Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

sweetcinnyluvsu@yahoo.com


sweetcinnyluvsu@yahoo.com

——————————–

Hello Sweet Readers! When you talk to someone online, how do you feel about them? Do you think of the living, breathing, feeling, being on the other end of that Internet connection or are they just a series of thoughts and words on your monitor screen? Do you think how your words will effect them and how your actions determine how they feel? Sometimes I don’t think we do. Recently I have been treated like a non-being by someone that I grew to care about as a friend. The words coming across my screen were of friendship and support and thoughtfulness. E-mails were exchanged, phone calls made, IM messages responded to back and forth. Then one day this person found someone in their town that they enjoyed spending time with and suddenly I was told about it and that they definitely wanted to remain friends with me because they had grown fond of me and wanted me to be a part of their life. But, after one more IM exchange that ended very friendly and a phone call with the assurance that there would be another later, nothing more has been heard. Messages go unresponded to, e-mails unanswered, and phone calls not picked up or returned. Like I never existed.

How can someone just turn themselves off like that and not feel anything. Was I just a name on a screen and a voice on the phone but to that person not a real being? If that is the case, can someone explain to me how to do that, I haven’t been able to master that feat yet.

When I talk to someone on IM, or chat with them in a room, they are a real person to me; I chose my words carefully so that when they come across their screen my true thoughts reach them. I worry that something I type might be misunderstood and feelings hurt. I ask for a picture of them, not to determine if they are pretty or handsome but so that I can see the person I am talking to and imagine the expression on their face when they read my words.

Looks do not factor into my responses, and I always try to find something positive to compliment them with just because I know when someone says something nice and complimentary to me how it makes me feel and I want to make everyone I talk to feel that same feeling. I call people sweetie, and darling, and sugar a lot but that is how I normally talk, hope that isn’t annoying. I’m sincere in my words and my feelings and sometimes I think I put too much of my heart into things.

I grow to care about my friends I have made online and think of them often, even if I don’t do very well at telling them that, and wonder what they are doing and how they are feeling. I sincerely and genuinely care about them. Giving them a tiny piece of my heart and hoping they will give me a little one of theirs in return and not leave me standing here with that hole in my heart. Maybe that is how I can be hurt so easily by someone pretending to care and really not, because after all I am only words on their screen and how I feel truly doesn’t matter, after all it’s just about how they feel.

If you could look at my heart I bet you would see a patchwork of all different shapes and sizes and colors, each with a little name on it of someone who has touched my life, some of them healthy and thriving and colorful; others dying or even dead because that person chose to move away from me; and yet other places you will find a hole where someone took a piece of mine and didn’t return one of their own or chose to take it back but held onto mine.

We all need to be a little more careful about how we think and talk to people online, they are a feeling being and we should remember that when we are carrying on a conversation. Some people are just mean and nasty with others when they get behind that keyboards and abuse the anonymity of the Internet. They bully others and hurt feelings and don’t care because after all they don’t see the results of their actions and honestly don’t think that those words are actually someone real. If you talk to me you will get the opposite feeling on the other end of your messages, because to me, even the bully has something good about them and sometimes you can find that and end up with a friend, they just haven’t had someone respond to them with a kind word and they really deep down want that, they just have been mean for so long they have forgotten how to be kind.

Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

—————————————————

Hello Sweet Readers! This week I am adventuring into a subject that I know very little about so trust me I did a lot of research and soul searching. The area of coming out. I know there are a lot of people who have come out to everybody except their friends and family. They live a life of constant fear and apprehension, thinking at any moment their life will be forever changed if they are “outed” to the ones they hold dearest. They are afraid of their reaction to finding out, fear they won’t be accepted or loved any more by the ones who the value the most in the world. Some don’t care…but for others it frightens them; and how can they tell these people without losing them forever?

I’m sure you are all aware of the five stages of coming out. 1. Pre-coming out when you know something is different about your feelings but haven’t completely understood them. 2. Coming out when you acknowledge your feelings of homosexuality and decide to tell someone, this may or may not include your family and friends. 3. Exploration where you “check out” the homosexual world and have your first experience with exploring contact with members of your own sex. 4. First relationship kinda self-explanitory although sometimes this can be something that turns out not so positive, but a first experience in a hetrosexual relationship can be a bad one too. Secret is that if it turns out bad, don’t give up. 5. Integration this is a constant ongoing stage where you develop relationships, explore your feelings, become a part of the BGLT community, participate in the gay lifestyle.

But just as there are several stages to your coming out, those who you come out to have stages they go through, especially parents. Parents have the hardest time sometimes accepting their child is gay, I think they feel they did something wrong. There are several questions you must ask yourself before coming out to your parents. According to outproud.com they are as follows, and I quote:

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

Be Clear in Your Own Mind

  • Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Don’t raise the issue unless you’re able to respond with confidence to the question “Are you sure?” Confusion on your part will increase your parents’ confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment.
  • Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality? If you’re wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you’ll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part; it will require a reserve of positive self-image.
  • Do you have support? In the event your parents’ reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.
  • Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality? Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you’ve done some serious reading on the subject, you’ll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research.
  • What’s the emotional climate at home? If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they’re not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a job.
  • Can you be patient? Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven’t considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years.
  • What’s your motive for coming out now? Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon.
  • Do you have available resources? Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents, a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly with the issue.
  • Are you financially dependent on your parents? If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you.
  • What is your general relationship with your parents? If you’ve gotten along well and have always known their love — and shared your love for them in return — chances are they’ll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way.
  • What is their moral societal view? If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they’ve evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you.
  • Is this your decision? Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don’t be pressured into it if you’re not sure you’ll be better off by doing so — no matter what their response.

Parents go through several stages as well when being confronted with the knowledge that their child is gay. They are: 1. Shock- sometimes they expect ahead of time but are not quite sure and other times they have no idea, so the sudden confrontation with it will surprise them. Some will accept it right away and others will struggle with it. You just have to assure them that you love them and that you are the same person you were yesterday before they knew and that you will be the same person now. 2. Denial- it helps them cope with the sudden reality that their child is gay. This can also take many forms from “not my child” to “that’s nice dear” to “I don’t want to hear this” to even flat out rejection. Be patient, just like you didn’t discover you were gay overnight, they need time to accept it too. 3. Guilt- sometimes a parent will blame themselves and think they did something wrong and that caused you to be gay. You need to reassure them that it’s nothing they did or didn’t do. 4. Feelings expressed- be ready for these….they will range from anger to acceptance and all the moods inbetween. Sometimes these change as the news has time to sink in and they begin to realize you are still the same child they love, unfortunately just as often they only grow worse. 5. Making decisions- this is where they decide how they are going to deal with it, either accepting and being supportive or denying and fighting about it forever. This initial feeling can change with time, and parents who initially disown a child come to realize they are losing something wonderful and they begin to accept it. They may not completely accept the whole package but they will accept the child and love them despite not fully understanding or supporting them. 6. True acceptance- where they completely accept their child’s sexuality and wholeheartedly support them and openly acknowledge it. Some parents never reach this stage, but any progress in this direction should be praised.

Hopefully some of what I have said will be helpful to someone out there.

Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

sweetcinnyluvsu@yahoo.com


Hello Sweet Readers! This week I am adventuring into a subject that I know very little about so trust me I did a lot of research and soul searching. The area of coming out. I know there are a lot of people who have come out to everybody except their friends and family. They live a life of constant fear and apprehension, thinking at any moment their life will be forever changed if they are “outed” to the ones they hold dearest. They are afraid of their reaction to finding out, fear they won’t be accepted or loved any more by the ones who the value the most in the world. Some don’t care…but for others it frightens them; and how can they tell these people without losing them forever?

I’m sure you are all aware of the five stages of coming out. 1. Pre-coming out when you know something is different about your feelings but haven’t completely understood them. 2. Coming out when you acknowledge your feelings of homosexuality and decide to tell someone, this may or may not include your family and friends. 3. Exploration where you “check out” the homosexual world and have your first experience with exploring contact with members of your own sex. 4. First relationship kinda self-explanitory although sometimes this can be something that turns out not so positive, but a first experience in a hetrosexual relationship can be a bad one too. Secret is that if it turns out bad, don’t give up. 5. Integration this is a constant ongoing stage where you develop relationships, explore your feelings, become a part of the BGLT community, participate in the gay lifestyle.

But just as there are several stages to your coming out, those who you come out to have stages they go through, especially parents. Parents have the hardest time sometimes accepting their child is gay, I think they feel they did something wrong. There are several questions you must ask yourself before coming out to your parents. According to outproud.com they are as follows, and I quote:

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

Be Clear in Your Own Mind

  • Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Don’t raise the issue unless you’re able to respond with confidence to the question “Are you sure?” Confusion on your part will increase your parents’ confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment.
  • Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality? If you’re wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you’ll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part; it will require a reserve of positive self-image.
  • Do you have support? In the event your parents’ reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.
  • Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality? Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you’ve done some serious reading on the subject, you’ll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research.
  • What’s the emotional climate at home? If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they’re not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a job.
  • Can you be patient? Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven’t considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years.
  • What’s your motive for coming out now? Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon.
  • Do you have available resources? Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents, a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly with the issue.
  • Are you financially dependent on your parents? If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you.
  • What is your general relationship with your parents? If you’ve gotten along well and have always known their love — and shared your love for them in return — chances are they’ll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way.
  • What is their moral societal view? If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they’ve evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you.
  • Is this your decision? Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don’t be pressured into it if you’re not sure you’ll be better off by doing so — no matter what their response.

Parents go through several stages as well when being confronted with the knowledge that their child is gay. They are: 1. Shock- sometimes they expect ahead of time but are not quite sure and other times they have no idea, so the sudden confrontation with it will surprise them. Some will accept it right away and others will struggle with it. You just have to assure them that you love them and that you are the same person you were yesterday before they knew and that you will be the same person now. 2. Denial- it helps them cope with the sudden reality that their child is gay. This can also take many forms from “not my child” to “that’s nice dear” to “I don’t want to hear this” to even flat out rejection. Be patient, just like you didn’t discover you were gay overnight, they need time to accept it too. 3. Guilt- sometimes a parent will blame themselves and think they did something wrong and that caused you to be gay. You need to reassure them that it’s nothing they did or didn’t do. 4. Feelings expressed- be ready for these….they will range from anger to acceptance and all the moods inbetween. Sometimes these change as the news has time to sink in and they begin to realize you are still the same child they love, unfortunately just as often they only grow worse. 5. Making decisions- this is where they decide how they are going to deal with it, either accepting and being supportive or denying and fighting about it forever. This initial feeling can change with time, and parents who initially disown a child come to realize they are losing something wonderful and they begin to accept it. They may not completely accept the whole package but they will accept the child and love them despite not fully understanding or supporting them. 6. True acceptance- where they completely accept their child’s sexuality and wholeheartedly support them and openly acknowledge it. Some parents never reach this stage, but any progress in this direction should be praised.

Hopefully some of what I have said will be helpful to someone out there.

Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

sweetcinnyluvsu@yahoo.com

Hello Sweet Readers! This week I am adventuring into a subject that I know very little about so trust me I did a lot of research and soul searching. The area of coming out. I know there are a lot of people who have come out to everybody except their friends and family. They live a life of constant fear and apprehension, thinking at any moment their life will be forever changed if they are “outed” to the ones they hold dearest. They are afraid of their reaction to finding out, fear they won’t be accepted or loved any more by the ones who the value the most in the world. Some don’t care…but for others it frightens them; and how can they tell these people without losing them forever?

I’m sure you are all aware of the five stages of coming out. 1. Pre-coming out when you know something is different about your feelings but haven’t completely understood them. 2. Coming out when you acknowledge your feelings of homosexuality and decide to tell someone, this may or may not include your family and friends. 3. Exploration where you “check out” the homosexual world and have your first experience with exploring contact with members of your own sex. 4. First relationship kinda self-explanitory although sometimes this can be something that turns out not so positive, but a first experience in a hetrosexual relationship can be a bad one too. Secret is that if it turns out bad, don’t give up. 5. Integration this is a constant ongoing stage where you develop relationships, explore your feelings, become a part of the BGLT community, participate in the gay lifestyle.

But just as there are several stages to your coming out, those who you come out to have stages they go through, especially parents. Parents have the hardest time sometimes accepting their child is gay, I think they feel they did something wrong. There are several questions you must ask yourself before coming out to your parents. According to outproud.com they are as follows, and I quote:

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

Be Clear in Your Own Mind

  • Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Don’t raise the issue unless you’re able to respond with confidence to the question “Are you sure?” Confusion on your part will increase your parents’ confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment.
  • Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality? If you’re wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you’ll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part; it will require a reserve of positive self-image.
  • Do you have support? In the event your parents’ reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.
  • Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality? Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you’ve done some serious reading on the subject, you’ll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research.
  • What’s the emotional climate at home? If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they’re not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a job.
  • Can you be patient? Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven’t considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years.
  • What’s your motive for coming out now? Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon.
  • Do you have available resources? Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents, a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly with the issue.
  • Are you financially dependent on your parents? If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you.
  • What is your general relationship with your parents? If you’ve gotten along well and have always known their love — and shared your love for them in return — chances are they’ll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way.
  • What is their moral societal view? If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they’ve evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you.
  • Is this your decision? Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don’t be pressured into it if you’re not sure you’ll be better off by doing so — no matter what their response.

Parents go through several stages as well when being confronted with the knowledge that their child is gay. They are: 1. Shock- sometimes they expect ahead of time but are not quite sure and other times they have no idea, so the sudden confrontation with it will surprise them. Some will accept it right away and others will struggle with it. You just have to assure them that you love them and that you are the same person you were yesterday before they knew and that you will be the same person now. 2. Denial- it helps them cope with the sudden reality that their child is gay. This can also take many forms from “not my child” to “that’s nice dear” to “I don’t want to hear this” to even flat out rejection. Be patient, just like you didn’t discover you were gay overnight, they need time to accept it too. 3. Guilt- sometimes a parent will blame themselves and think they did something wrong and that caused you to be gay. You need to reassure them that it’s nothing they did or didn’t do. 4. Feelings expressed- be ready for these….they will range from anger to acceptance and all the moods inbetween. Sometimes these change as the news has time to sink in and they begin to realize you are still the same child they love, unfortunately just as often they only grow worse. 5. Making decisions- this is where they decide how they are going to deal with it, either accepting and being supportive or denying and fighting about it forever. This initial feeling can change with time, and parents who initially disown a child come to realize they are losing something wonderful and they begin to accept it. They may not completely accept the whole package but they will accept the child and love them despite not fully understanding or supporting them. 6. True acceptance- where they completely accept their child’s sexuality and wholeheartedly support them and openly acknowledge it. Some parents never reach this stage, but any progress in this direction should be praised.

Hopefully some of what I have said will be helpful to someone out there.

Until Next Week, Dear Ones, Love & Many Hugz! Leeza

sweetcinnyluvsu@yahoo.com


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